Finding Hope After IVF Heartbreak
We often hear stories about the joys of parenthood—but not enough about the winding, emotional, and sometimes heartbreaking path it can take to get there. As we launch The Motherhood Diaries, our aim is to create a space where those unspoken journeys are brought into the light—raw, honest, and full of resilience.
In our second feature, we’re sharing the story of a woman whose route to motherhood was anything but straightforward. Set against the backdrop of a summer heatwave and the 2018 World Cup, this is a powerful account of love, loss, and ultimately, hope. Through the crushing disappointment of failed IVF rounds, devastating miscarriages, and the eventual decision to pursue egg donation, her journey mirrors the silent battles so many face behind closed doors.
Infertility affects one in six people globally, yet it still carries a stigma that leaves so many feeling isolated. Her story breaks that silence. It’s one of perseverance, grit, and the kind of love that pushes through even the darkest moments. We’re proud to share it—and we hope it brings comfort, solidarity, or even just a little light to anyone currently in the trenches.
It was Saturday, 7th July 2018. England was through to the quarter-finals of the World Cup and the country was in the midst of a heat wave. Within a few hours the team would take to the pitch to play Sweden. The match felt like a metaphor for the challenge my husband and I were facing - our second round of IVF.
Although England desperately wanted to win the World Cup and we desperately wanted a baby, the country couldn’t get carried away and neither should we. The stakes were high. In order to progress to the semi-finals, the England side needed to play their hearts out, score some goals and beat Sweden. And before we could make it to the next stage of IVF, the doctors had to retrieve some quality eggs from my ovaries, fertilise them and make some embryos.
England made it to the semi-finals but we crashed out, our IVF dreams in tatters. It was Sunday morningwhen I took a call from the embryologist. “I’m afraid I have bad news,” he said. “None of the 13 eggs we retrieved went on to fertilise”. My husband looked at me intently and I made a big fat zero with my thumb and forefinger. Three days later England’s World Cup dream ended in a defeat against Croatia and everyone looked as devastated as I felt.
One in six people are affected by infertility worldwide yet when my husband and I first stepped onto my rollercoaster to parenthood almost a decade ago, I felt alone. Within six months, I was throwing money at expensive doctors, gleaning snippets of information from friends and trawling Mumsnet. I was 37 and I’d read enough dramatic news headlines to suspect my fertility was edging off a cliff, although the test results assured me I had the egg reserve of someone much younger.
I hoped I’d be lucky like friends who did fall pregnant at a similar age without much trouble – some mild drugs here, a change of diet there - but that didn’t happen for us. I kept chalking up negative pregnancy tests, then positive tests that never led to anything more than a few coloured lines, or at best, a fleeting heartbeat on a scan. Time kept hurtling forward.
After a number of miscarriages, an endometriosis diagnosis, and two failed rounds of IVF we got our heads around the idea of egg donation. We travelled to a clinic in Spain for the process and thankfully it worked. Our first child was born in 2019 and I was finally a blissed out new mum to a divine little boy.
We had hoped to return to the clinic to have a second embryo implanted in 2020, but the Covid lockdown prevented us from travelling. It wasn’t a shock to get another positive pregnancy test after a month of trying naturally but I steeled myself for the inevitable miscarriage. Unbelievably that positive pregnancy test was followed up by a healthy pregnancy and the birth of my second magical son in 2021. We joke with our eldest, who knows all about his origins, that he fixed all the broken eggs in mummy’s tummy and it’s thanks to him that we got his baby brother.
It’s a story with a happy ending, yet I often think of those who are in the midst of their treacherous baby-making journey. In the intervening decade more and more people are speaking out about their infertility struggles but I know from experience how difficult it can be to feel hopeful when parenthood seems out of reach. At that time I read books that tackled the obstacles I faced from a medical perspective but there was little advice on how to navigate the emotional side. I also read infertility memoirs but these often focussed on one specific aspect, such as miscarriage, IVF or surrogacy.
The reality is that the fertility challenges that women and men encounter aren’t wrapped up in neat parcels. Some experience a cocktail of recurrent miscarriage and IVF, while grappling with the upset of secondary infertility. Others deal with medicated cycles and ectopic pregnancy, with one eye on adoption, egg or sperm donation or a future without children. I wanted to offer stories of hope and resilience to those in the trenches and it's for this reason that I’m curating a book with stories from those who had a rocky road to parenthood. Join me and be a part of it. Tell me about the range of challenges you faced and how your story ended so that we can help those who are next on the frontline of infertility. https://www.lovelosshope.co.uk/