Surviving Every Phase of Motherhood
"It's just a phase." Four simple words. A maternal mantra. A universal balm for the daily dramas of tiny humans. Biting? Broccoli boycotts? Underwear rebellion? Yep...Just a phase. And after nine years and four children, I’ve had a realisation: perhaps we are the phases. We, too, are navigating seasons, shifting and evolving.
Does it get easier? Not really. It’s always tough…we just get tougher.
I have always lived in extremes. My twenties were a high-wire act, literally. Before children I was a trapeze artist, bruised and bold, pushing my body and mind to their limits. Travelling the world, gruelling but glamorous. Then in 2016 I had my eldest Hamish and everything changed.
In those first three years I joined the 3 under 3 club - by the time Hamish had turned 2 and half he already had two younger bothers to care for. Even my daredevil past could not have prepared me for the sheer, unrelenting mental load of motherhood. It wasn't about physical strength anymore; it was about the strength to navigate a sea of tiny demands, to be the constant, unwavering lighthouse in a storm of toddler tantrums. Endurance was my new superpower.
Motherhood has stripped me bare and rebuilt me anew. It's taught me the terrifying, exquisite power of love, the kind that makes your heart ache with both joy and fear. It's shown me the delicate dance between selflessness and self-preservation, the guilt-ridden tightrope walk of needing a moment for myself while knowing tiny eyes are watching.
I started out as Alpha Mum, the do-it-all, the gatekeeper of made from scratch purees and perfectly ironed play clothes. I'd turn down a date night with my husband, citing "no time," only to spend two glorious evenings crafting elaborate World Book Day costumes.
Three kids in and perfection became a distant dream. I also began to understand the toxic grip of perfectionism for mothers. The societal expectations that leave us burnt out and vulnerable. I quickly learnt that everyone has an opinion on how we do our job and yet ironically we are the only ones who can do that job.
Motherhood and contradiction seem inextricably woven together. I can adore my child one moment and want to run from them the next. Frustration and gratitude, locked in an eternal tango. I love everything I have, but I still mourn the woman I was, the life I left behind.
I'm different now. My friends see it. Society sees it.
I’ve become a master of intuition, a finely tuned instrument that can sense a meltdown before it even begins. I can find the perfect balance between giving them freedom and keeping them safe. I am still myself, but a version that has been seasoned by this beautiful chaotic experience of motherhood.
If you’ve got this far I wanted to reassure you that we all in flux, navigating these seasons together.
Some days, we're blooming, vibrant, and full of energy. Others, we're shedding leaves, tired and in need of rest. But through it all, we're growing, evolving, and finding our own unique rhythm in the symphony of motherhood.
Where am I now? Somewhere in the middle. My eldest is on the cusp of tweendom. My youngest is no longer a baby. The house is a lesser war zone, the chaos more manageable. I have moments of reflection, hot tea, glimmers of my old self. I’m starting to like my husband again. Yet, a new fear emerges—the fear that this phase, too, will end. That I will have to evolve once more.
And yes, even this phase, too, shall pass. Godspeed Mama x
Charlie is the editor of thedailymumtra.com a website resource for London parents who want to make the most of raising kids in this beautiful city.